I’ll sit in the uncertainty with you

⚠️ Vulnerability Warning⚠️ 

This Post discusses miscarriage and grief.

My wife and I had just experienced our third miscarriage. To say we were broken…was an understatement. As we stood with the shattered pieces of our lives in our hands, we felt very lost. Many well intentioned people stepped up to comfort us in our grief. However, one moment stood out to me. Not in a good way. A member of our faith community approached me in the hallway. She had that look in her eye. The kind that said…

💭  I don’t know what to say…but I know I should say something.

Ever been there?

She planted herself in front of me and said, “Gosh…just awful what happened to you guys. I guess it just wasn’t God’s will. Something could have been wrong with it.” Now…I’ll keep what I was thinking to myself. Suffice to say, I was angry and hurt. At the same time, I felt a level of grace for her. Because…I’ve been there. If we were honest, we’ve ALL felt that tension

Somewhere along the way we witness:

a catastrophic event

a break up

a diagnosis

a death

a job loss

We want so badly to comfort! Despite our good intentions, maybe our words don’t land the way we want them to. I’ve been there, and maybe you have to. It’s not our job to “Fix” anything. Our job is to hold space for what they are feeling in that present moment. Here are some ways that we can show support in a way that will make a helpful impact

Rethinking “supportive” phrases:

“I promise it will get better”

“Your tears are allowed. Sometimes crying is the best way to release what hurts”

“Everything will be fine”

“It’s okay if things don’t feel fine right now. I’m here for you through all of it”

“At lease its not worse”

“No matter how it compares to anything else, your pain is valid”

“You’re a strong person, you’ll figure it out”

“You don’t have to be strong right now. Lean on me. I’ve got you.”

“Right now it huts, but one day it won’t”

“Healing doesn’t have a deadline. Take the time you need and I’ll walk with you.”

“Try and stay positive”

“You don’t have to fake positivity. Let’s just honor what you are feeling today.”

“This happened for a reason.”

“Some things just don’t make sense and that’s okay. I’ll sit in the uncertainty with you.”

Alex Naum & The Nurture Family